HERE .... I realized that the reason I could not think of a thing to write when we were given the two exercises is because I have not been writing and thus, just drew blanks! So I promised myself I would begin writing again ... even if no one ever sees it. I think one of the reasons I enjoyed being at the University so much many years ago was because I had deadlines I had to meet with all my papers. I so miss academia and writing papers ... doing the research and pulling all the research together into a decent paper. One of my biggest regrets is that I did not continue on to grad school after getting my B.A. I still kick myself over that one many times. But ... I just have to try to move forward with my life now and do the best I can do with what I have left myself with. I may not be able to go to grad school but I CAN write. I just have to commit to it and follow through.
How did I end up 54 years old? When did that happen???? Yikes!
I have to confess something. I am jealous ... okay envious would be a better word. I am envious of Lena Dunham. What is she ... 27 years old????? She has accomplished so much at such a young age. And, yes, I am envious. She has accomplished everything I SAID I was going to accomplish. Ever since I was old enough to write, I fancied myself ... a writer. And yet, I would let life jerk me around in many different directions ... taking me away from what I should have focused on. And I truly despise myself sometimes for doing the whole self-sabotage thing and doing that to myself. Having an ADHD brain has not helped. Not having anyone encouraging my creativity while I was growing up didn't help either. In fact, having someone who squashed my creativity when I was growing up didn't help. BUT ..... I have to take ownership for not having figured out how to encourage myself and how to overcome all of the pooh-poohing of my ideas as I grew up. Others have grown up in a household where they were never encouraged and mostly discouraged and yet they still seem to have managed to fulfill their dreams. Anyway, this is not supposed to be a pity party. This is me reminding myself that I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for encouraging myself now and for getting it together enough to actually finally write every day no matter what. So here I am. I'm writing.