Too many ideas in my head ... not enough time!

I have ADHD.  For those of you who have it you understand what I mean when I say there are so many ideas swirling around in my head that it is hard to focus on just one.   I am trying to teach myself how to move away from some ideas that are just a waste of time.  Imagining what I would do with each and every empty building I see is a waste of time.  I will never have that empty building so how on earth would I be able to do all the wonderful things that pop up in my mind to do with it.  I am constantly decorating my house and other people's houses in my mind.  Why ... ?  So I have not come up with any clearcut exercises to stop these thoughts ... these ideas.  I simply at this point just try to talk to myself and say clearly to myself, "Stop! This is something you can never accomplish so why waste valuable brain space on it!"  Yes ... I do talk to myself that way.  Sometimes ... even out loud.   My mother always called me a dreamer and I guess that is definitely true.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a dreamer!  But what is invaluable is to be a "selective" dreamer.  Dream about things that might actually be able to be accomplished!  I have totally landscaped our yard in my mind.  Do I have the expertise or the money to do everything that I have landscaped in my mind in reality?  No ... pure and simple.  No.  So ... what I have had to try to do is think of one small project at a time.  Otherwise, all the projects swirl around in my head and nothing ever gets done.  I am very proud of myself for following through with starting an herb garden in my kitchen window.

 I just started it around April 2 so nothing is really growing yet except for my Thyme.  It is starting to sprout up!  I am so excited.  I do hope the other three (Basil, Rosemary, and Mint) sprout soon!

I am very proud of myself for actually following through and purchasing the terra cotta pots and the seeds and planting them!  This is a project that has begun.  It will be a continuous project in that I have to remember to water and nurture them every day.  I do have an idea of my next small project like this.

My other project, of course, is this blog.  I know that no one has found me yet and those who do have not really found as informative a blog as they would hope for.  I hope to change this in that I really want to find time to do more research so I can actually provide a lot more information than just my personal ramblings.

It is very hard for an ADHD brain to manage time.  It is also hard once disorganized to reorganize and keep organized.  ADHDers LOVE to be organized. But it is so hard sometimes to get there and then to stay there.  It is hard for me to function well sometimes if I am not organized.  Disorganization around me just makes my brain feel disorganized.  Too much clutter around me makes my brain feel cluttered.

When I first started my job this past August 2013, the desk I inherited was full of stuff!  All of the office essentials were on top of the desk:   paper clips, binder clips, tape dispenser, stapler, rubber bands, notepad, files containers, etc.  I immediately ordered two drawer organizers, put almost everything in those drawers to my right and now the top of my desk just has one of my computer monitors, the telephone, and one step organizer for files that I use every day.  To my left is a cabinet that houses other files that are currently (but maybe not daily) being used.  Hmmmm ... I think I will take pictures at work today and maybe my next blog can be on the organizing techniques I use at work that work for me.

I am headed to work right now.  It is 8:25 a.m. and I am supposed to be at work at 9:00 a.m.   I work less than a mile from my home.

Dreamer vs. Realist (can you become a combination of both?)

 I am trying so hard to keep to some kind of routine ... I always prided myself on being a gypsy type of person ... always moving ... rebelling against routine ... for me, this was probably not always a good idea.  Some people can live that lifestyle and still maintain some semblance of "being together" in the midst of their creative chaotic endeavors.  I do not believe I ever was able to do that.  My life eventually became completely unmanageable which is a huge symptom of a need for a big change and not a change that amounts to "changing seats on the Titanic".   Finally just a couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that what I needed, especially with a very chaotic and active ADHD brain, was routine and serenity and security. I had already figured out that clutter around me created even more clutter in my brain and I tried to purge things.  It is hard because I like pretty things around me as well.   I just have to be more selective.  I moved to Vermont two years ago to be near my grandkids and my son.  My son and daughter-in-law were kind enough to offer for me to come out and live with them for 1/2 a year while I worked on my health and finding work here.  Slowly, I got better and I got a part-time job for a while eventually finding a full-time job that is secure and working with really nice people. I work for a small law firm less than a half mile from where I live.  I eventually met the love of my life and I live with him in his home that he has lived in for 30 years.  I am slowly putting my stamp on it and he and the house are feeling like home now.  Because I have an ADHD brain and because I am at my core a "dreamer", I think a lot about a lot of things at the same time and make BIG ambitious plans.  I am working very hard to start thinking more realistically about some things.  When I think of decorating it turns into major renovation projects. My brain can just go wild with these thoughts.  This is GOOD for a writer.  I could write all kinds of crazy dreams.  BUT, in real life, I am trying very hard to limit my project dreaming to projects I might actually be able to accomplish.  In my head I have totally renovated our kitchen.  I even renovate my son's kitchen in my head.  I even renovate anybody's kitchen or rooms in their homes in my head as well as the rooms in my own home.  My brain just goes crazy that way.    BUT, again, I am working very hard to try not to do that!  It is truly a waste of brain energy and time that could be going into actually DOING smaller projects that are actually accomplishable.  Also, I am beginning small routines and changing one bad habit at a time rather than dreaming that I can change into a completely new person over night.   This beginning routines has been challenging in another way in that it really brings out some OCD tendencies in me.  But I like them.  I rearranged all my spices recently.  I rearranged all my canned goods recently.  I am beginning to be more obsessed with organizing things and for everything to have a place and for things to look similar.  An example would be that I am collecting baby food jars.  My plan is to spray paint the lids with chalkboard paint and to put all my spices in this baby food jars in my cabinet so that all the spice containers are alike.  I actually love this type of thinking.  Luckily, for me, my boyfriend has OCD tendencies as well so although he is not quite into everything matching he understands my beginning to need this more.  I know I sound a bit crazy right now.  But, in truth, I really like that I am getting a little more OCD.  I think that as I gain more control of my surroundings, the more chance I have of gaining control of my willpower problems in exercising and eating.  I feel eventually, I will be more apt to be in control of what I eat and if I exercise.  These are two things that I have the most problem with in my life and they are so important to my being able to live a long life.  If I do not get these two things under control then my chances of having a long healthy life dim somewhat.  Okay, well I am going to go now and visit the local thrift store and see if I can find any of the items on my list of things I need.   I plan to plant some seeds today and begin my herb garden as well as begin some seeds for my veggie garden I plan to have this year.  I planned to last year but I was not working full time yet and so really had no money to do much of anything.  I will try to post pics!  For now the picture you see here is more of my dream than my actuality at this point.