Saturday, March 30, 2013

Washing Dishes as Meditation

I have found that when I am standing at my sink washing dishes, it becomes almost like a zen meditation.  All other thoughts seem to leave my mind and I am there looking out my window as I have my hands in soapy water and a nice cloth washing each dish and fork and spoon and placing it in the right hand side of our double sink.  There they wait for me to finish soaping and cleaning to then begin rinsing one by one.  There is a ritual to it - an order to it.  Once I am done, I then use the cloth to clean off all of the counters and scrub my cutting board and then back into the soapy water to rinse the cloth.  Pulling the stopper from the bottom of the sink and as the soapy water swirls down, I use the water to get all the soap to go down the drain.  Then I wipe the sink bottoms and sides and wring out my cloth and then lay it out nice and straight on the middle between the two basins.  Then I take my dish towel and dry my hands and then place it over the dishes that are drying in the dish drainer.  And then ... my meditation is done.  I look around at my clean kitchen and get some kind of sense of peace.

Okay, I know this is weird.  But, I like this ritual and it gives me some inner peace.  I will never own a dishwasher.   Seriously.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Repurposing ! ! !

So I love the idea of repurposing items.  I found this photo on pinterest and finally traced it back to it's original place, I think?    You can find these repurposing items HERE with more information on how they were done.   I so want to start doing some things like this.

I have a problem.  I think big.   I think unrealistically big sometimes.

Soooo ... I am trying to think realistically.  I want to find something small to repurpose and see if I can really do it.  Like maybe just a simple small table that I can repaint or something.

It is the same thing with projects around the house.  I can imagine all kinds of projects.  I have already totally renovated our kitchen in my head.  My boyfriend reminds me that I truly have no idea what it would take to renovate our kitchen.  It is a BIG JOB!  So, I am trying to think smaller - like our extra room upstairs that needs major rehauling.  If I take it one step at a time, it is doable.  First step?  Finish getting all the rest of the old wallpaper off the remaining walls that have it.  I will try to take pictures of the before - before I paint so I can prove I actually followed through with an idea.

Anyway, I just wanted to post something before I go to bed tonight.  I promised myself I would try my best to post every night if possible.

So here I am.  I'm writing.  ;-)

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Here I am. I'm writing.

So here I am getting ready to go to bed for the night and trying to think of what I should write about.  Sometimes I may not have much to say but I am going to try my best to write something at least once a day. I need to get my writing chops back.  When I went to the writing workshop a few weeks ago ... see that post HERE .... I realized that the reason I could not think of a thing to write when we were given the two exercises is because I have not been writing and thus, just drew blanks!  So I promised myself I would begin writing again ... even if no one ever sees it.  I think one of the reasons I enjoyed being at the University so much many years ago was because I had deadlines I had to meet with all my papers.  I so miss academia and writing papers ... doing the research and pulling all the research together into a decent paper.  One of my biggest regrets is that I did not continue on to grad school after getting my B.A.   I still kick myself over that one many times.  But ... I just have to try to move forward with my life now and do the best I can do with what I have left myself with.  I may not be able to go to grad school but I CAN write.  I just have to commit to it and follow through.

How did I end up 54 years old?    When did that happen????    Yikes!

I have to confess something.  I am jealous ... okay envious would be a better word.  I am envious of Lena Dunham.  What is she ... 27 years old?????   She has accomplished so much at such a young age.  And, yes, I am envious.  She has accomplished everything I SAID I was going to accomplish.  Ever since I was old enough to write, I fancied myself ... a writer.  And yet, I would let life jerk me around in many different directions ... taking me away from what I should have focused on.  And I truly despise myself sometimes for doing the whole self-sabotage thing and doing that to myself.  Having an ADHD brain has not helped.  Not having anyone encouraging my creativity while I was growing up didn't help either.  In fact, having someone who squashed my creativity when I was growing up didn't help.  BUT ..... I have to take ownership for not having figured out how to encourage myself and how to overcome all of the pooh-poohing of my ideas as I grew up.   Others have grown up in a household where they were never encouraged and mostly discouraged and yet they still seem to have managed to fulfill their dreams.  Anyway, this is not supposed to be a pity party.  This is me reminding myself that I am responsible for myself.  I am responsible for encouraging myself now and for getting it together enough to actually finally write every day no matter what.  So here I am.  I'm writing.

Our Soul - A Powerful Source of Love ....

Our Soul is essentially a powerful source of love; that's true for each and every one of us. Love is the light of truth. When you accept truth as your being, it immediately exposes the Shadow, all the other parts of yourself that are not guided by love. The light exposes their lies. But we depend on those other ways of being, as we created them to solve problems in life, albeit in fearful ways: to justify, make excuses, blame, rationalize, be right, avoid, and so on - rather than the braver path of communicating empathically and taking responsibility. So courage is needed; the way out is the way through. But it's worth it as bringing light to the misguided solutions of the past - understanding why they were made and loving their creator - is the ultimate learning experience and enables us to embrace our wholeness.♥
"There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious." ~ Carl Gustav Jung ♥

I am not sure who to attribute the 1st quote above, unfortunately.  I came across it on facebook and it really resonated with me.    But I am already a Jung fan and love his quote that does go well with the 1st one.    I thought I would share here.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Creating a Balance in One's Life

I'm trying to create a balance in my life but it is soooo hard.   I know that I need to simplify my life so that I don't have so many things that I have to try to balance.  I try all kinds of time management practices and ways to simplify my life and I seem to continue to complicate things.  I need to add morning meditation and going to the gym to my life and it is next to impossible without getting up really early and thus needing to go to bed much earlier.  I'm trying to not neglect my boyfriend but it has gotten harder because I'm spending more and more time in my office working on things.  When he asks me how on earth could I have that many things to work on, I don't really have an answer.  I so want to get to where he is where I just have work I go to and nothing to have to do when I get home in the evening other than the usual cooking dinner with him and eating dinner and then watching television.  Then if I wanted to add a project like something around the house like I want to do, I can.  Instead I stress about all the paperwork I need to do on various things.  Some things are things I should have done a long time ago like taxes for my lost years between 2007 and 2010.  Explaining my lost years would take probably a few posts so I won't go into that now but it has nothing to do with drugs, alcohol, or rehab of any kind.   I have work to do on a client's website.  I need to work on my son's logo and the redesign of his website and his marketing materials.  This I want to do because he is my son and I want to help.  Anyway, my plan is to try and see if I can get more done in the mornings.  So instead of staying up until midnight, I'm going to head to bed soon (It's 10:17pm) right now and then get up much earlier than usual.  That way, I can be up before my boyfriend and maybe get some things done before he leaves for work and then start my morning routines.  I want to add meditation and going down to the gym for at least a 1/2 hour each morning.  The gym is just on the road below us.  It is not very far away at all.  So ... here's hoping I can actually do this!  It is now 10:19pm.  I hope to be in bed and on my way to sleep by 10:30pm.  I'm setting my alarm for 5:30am instead of my normal 6:15am.  I'm going to see if I can get ANYTHING done in that timeframe!  Wish me luck!  Oh wait, that's right.  Nobody reads this nor comments on this blog.  But one day they will!  I just have to have patience and persistence in writing something every day!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Inspiration Fridge vs. Our Fridge

Pinterest Inspiration Fridge
don't pay attention to the date
my camera is off

I am so proud of myself.  Although the inspiration fridge on the left is obviously larger than ours, I still used the same organizing concepts and organized our fridge.  It looks so good!!!  Now things won't get lost in the back.  We can just pull the basket out and see what is in the back of the basket.  Yay!  I wish I had taken a before pic ...

What do you think?

I'm becoming an organizing freak!  I've always liked for things to be organized but now I'm wanting everything to be totally organized.  I have lots of things planned that don't cost a lot of money.

Dreamer vs. Realist (can you become a combination of both?)

 I am trying so hard to keep to some kind of routine ... I always prided myself on being a gypsy type of person ... always moving ... rebelling against routine ... for me, this was probably not always a good idea.  Some people can live that lifestyle and still maintain some semblance of "being together" in the midst of their creative chaotic endeavors.  I do not believe I ever was able to do that.  My life eventually became completely unmanageable which is a huge symptom of a need for a big change and not a change that amounts to "changing seats on the Titanic".   Finally just a couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that what I needed, especially with a very chaotic and active ADHD brain, was routine and serenity and security. I had already figured out that clutter around me created even more clutter in my brain and I tried to purge things.  It is hard because I like pretty things around me as well.   I just have to be more selective.  I moved to Vermont two years ago to be near my grandkids and my son.  My son and daughter-in-law were kind enough to offer for me to come out and live with them for 1/2 a year while I worked on my health and finding work here.  Slowly, I got better and I got a part-time job for a while eventually finding a full-time job that is secure and working with really nice people. I work for a small law firm less than a half mile from where I live.  I eventually met the love of my life and I live with him in his home that he has lived in for 30 years.  I am slowly putting my stamp on it and he and the house are feeling like home now.  Because I have an ADHD brain and because I am at my core a "dreamer", I think a lot about a lot of things at the same time and make BIG ambitious plans.  I am working very hard to start thinking more realistically about some things.  When I think of decorating it turns into major renovation projects. My brain can just go wild with these thoughts.  This is GOOD for a writer.  I could write all kinds of crazy dreams.  BUT, in real life, I am trying very hard to limit my project dreaming to projects I might actually be able to accomplish.  In my head I have totally renovated our kitchen.  I even renovate my son's kitchen in my head.  I even renovate anybody's kitchen or rooms in their homes in my head as well as the rooms in my own home.  My brain just goes crazy that way.    BUT, again, I am working very hard to try not to do that!  It is truly a waste of brain energy and time that could be going into actually DOING smaller projects that are actually accomplishable.  Also, I am beginning small routines and changing one bad habit at a time rather than dreaming that I can change into a completely new person over night.   This beginning routines has been challenging in another way in that it really brings out some OCD tendencies in me.  But I like them.  I rearranged all my spices recently.  I rearranged all my canned goods recently.  I am beginning to be more obsessed with organizing things and for everything to have a place and for things to look similar.  An example would be that I am collecting baby food jars.  My plan is to spray paint the lids with chalkboard paint and to put all my spices in this baby food jars in my cabinet so that all the spice containers are alike.  I actually love this type of thinking.  Luckily, for me, my boyfriend has OCD tendencies as well so although he is not quite into everything matching he understands my beginning to need this more.  I know I sound a bit crazy right now.  But, in truth, I really like that I am getting a little more OCD.  I think that as I gain more control of my surroundings, the more chance I have of gaining control of my willpower problems in exercising and eating.  I feel eventually, I will be more apt to be in control of what I eat and if I exercise.  These are two things that I have the most problem with in my life and they are so important to my being able to live a long life.  If I do not get these two things under control then my chances of having a long healthy life dim somewhat.  Okay, well I am going to go now and visit the local thrift store and see if I can find any of the items on my list of things I need.   I plan to plant some seeds today and begin my herb garden as well as begin some seeds for my veggie garden I plan to have this year.  I planned to last year but I was not working full time yet and so really had no money to do much of anything.  I will try to post pics!  For now the picture you see here is more of my dream than my actuality at this point.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Interestingly, this blog looks different on different computers.  I am at my son's today.  I spent the night babysitting my grandkids.  I pulled up my blog and it looks kind of weird on his computer.  I am still contemplating changing to wordpress rather than blogger.  I wonder if I can transfer what I've written here so far over to a new one or if it will be all from scratch?  I keep thinking I should change and then I run across a number of blogger blogs that look great!!!   I guess I'll just keep trying to make this blog look more appealing.

I thought I could have actual separate sections and thus, I could blog about different things in the different sections but it seems those extra pages are just that ... pages ... and don't allow new posts.  So I have to rethink how I want to share everything with you or with those who may eventually read this blog.  I really don't want to have like 5 separate blogs ... I cannot even keep up with this one much less if I was trying to maintain a few.  Yikes!

Anyway, I guess this is all for now although I may come in and edit this and add to it.  I'm going to go check out how I can possibly share things in a more cohesive way.